God has called us first of all to be in a relationship with Him. He walked with the man in the garden during the cool of the day, showing his desire to have a relationship with him. God also walked with the priest in the midst of the temple.
As I’ve said many times in this school, the meaning is clear. The garden was a temple for God to dwell with man. Like the temple, the garden was the joining together of God’s space and mans’ space - the intersection of the heavenly realm and the earthly realm.
God created man to be in a relationship with Him and it’s the primary relationship we need to cultivate.
We need to daily offer up the morning and evening sacrifice of prayer, worship Him in Spirit and truth giving our lives in complete surrender to our creator. However, our relationship with God is not isolated, but intricately tied to our relationship with others. We are a royal priesthood, a holy nation and a multi membered body made to work together. The beloved John who had a deep relationship with the Lord said that we cannot say, I love God and hate others. John said if we truly love God, then we will love others.
Relationships are built on love, trust and wisdom.
Life is about relationships and it's important that we learn how to relate with others in all aspects of our life. To fulfill the calling of God on our lives we will have to work with others. To be able to work with others we will have to learn how to trust and love them as Christ loves and trusts us. The community of the faithful is built on relationships. As I’ve taught in this discipleship school the church isn’t a building, but a people and the church is only as strong as its relationships.
In one of Jesus' parables he said the kingdom of heaven is like a net. A net is only as strong as the knots that hold it together and relationships are the knots that hold the community of the faithful together.
In the last lesson I briefly talked about the five gifts mentioned in Ephesians chapter 4 verse 20 which Christ gave to equip his body. The word equip means to mend, repair, make whole or perfect. It’s the idea of a doctor setting bones to heal correctly or fishermen mending their nets so that they work correctly.
The basic idea is that of putting a thing into the original condition in which it ought to be.
The English word equip means to furnish for service or action, preparing fully, so those who have been equipped might serve the purpose for which they were created. If you’ve been following this school of discipleship then you’ve seen how I’ve clearly shown that the church is a multi-membered body, a multi-faceted priesthood and everyone has been commissioned to function in their particular calling. In the next section of this course I will develop the place and role of leadership in the body of Christ. Leadership is important to fulfill mission, but leadership is what I will call a supportive part of the body. Leadership is about supporting and undergirding the members of the body so that they can fulfill the mission. Leaders are simply mature facilitators.
Jesus Christ was the only fully gifted human and when he ascended, he chose to create an interdependent, multifaceted, corporate body as the only entity that could contain his gifts.
No individual was ever meant to show the fullness of Christ to the world. We are meant to do that through redeemed communities. The Holy Spirit is mentioned fifty-six times in Paul’s letters, with the vast majority referring to his indwelling the community, not simply an individual and its why relationships are so important.
In regards to building the church, Paul called himself a wise master builder. In 1 Corinthians chapter 3 verses 10 thru 11 Paul says, according to the grace of God given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
The church is built on Christ the foundation and we are to be built together as we are found in Him.
Peter used similar language when he said that we are living stones being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. As members of the household of faith we need to seek God’s wisdom because it is the key for effective relationships. Wisdom is the mortar that holds the individual stones together. It’s the same concept with the analogy of the net I used earlier because relationships are the bond or the knots in the net that holds us together.
In Christ we become partakers of God's likeness and one of the main qualities we need for good relationships is God's wisdom. Paul told the church in Colossae that their hearts were knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and that's in Colossians chapter 2 verse 3.
Christ is the fountainhead from which all wisdom flows and its that wisdom within our hearts that we need to learn to yield to so that we function properly.
We also see in Ephesians chapter 1 verses 7 thru 8 that in Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight. Now the Greek word for wisdom in this text is Sophia. The word means the knowledge of how to regulate our relationship with God. The Greek word for insight is Phronesis and it can also be translated as prudence. It is the knowledge of how to regulate one's relationships and dealings with other people. Paul said that wisdom and insight have been abundantly poured out, we just have to learn how to yield our hearts.
If we do, then it will give us the ability to regulate our relationship with God and regulate our relationships with others so that we can put into practical application the will of God for our lives.
Jesus used this very same word in Matthew 7:24 when he said, everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The same Greek word phronesis is used here to describe the wise man who built his life on a solid foundation by applying the word of God to his day to day life situations. It’s not the man that just hears the word, but who also puts the word to practical use. It’s the person who applies the word of God to their day to day lives.
Just as a plant relates with the soil for life, so we must relate rightly with God because He is our life. Plants are made from the soil and live by the soil. We were created through the very breath of God and we have to stay connected to our source to live, grow and bear fruit.
Jesus also compared Himself to the vine and each individual believer to the branches on the vine. If you have ever looked at a vine it has numerous branches, all of which play a role in the life of the plant. The branches are connected to each other through the vine because it’s from the vine that flows the life source. It’s through our connection to the vine, which will create a living connection with the other branches. It’s only as we correctly relate with God that we can correctly relate with the community. It’s only as we yield our hearts to the Sophia or wisdom of God that we will have the Phronesis or prudence to work with others.
The Bible uses the human body to describe the church and in Romans 12:5, it says so we, who are many, are one body in Christ and individually members one of another. The Corinthian church had forgotten this lesson that Paul had taught them and they began to divide over personalities, class distinctions, sexual immorality and were even suing one another. Paul had to bring them back to focus on the main priority which is the word of the cross. All this world understands is the cult of personality, arrogance, seeking pleasure, brute force and lies to gain power. It’s the way of the narcissist which is putting self first. The cruciform way is the way of humility and putting others first.
The priesthood of all believers means that you are my priest and I am your priest, that we are God’s representatives to each other.
It means that we are to bless one another, intercede for each other and seek God’s guidance for each other. It means that we should try to become increasingly responsive to one another's needs, encouraging one another and offering each other practical constructive help. In Galatians chapter 6 verse 10 Paul instructs us that as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, especially to those who are of the household of faith. We are on the same team because we are part of the same body. We need to encourage and build one another up. Trust, love and forgive each other. We need to accept one another and treat each other with equality.
Jesus has called us to be peacemakers and Paul said we have been given the ministry of reconciliation.
A divisive, critical, jealous and selfish attitude does not come from the Spirit of God. It’s a demonic spirit. Remember that Satan’s food is the dust of the ground and when we walk in the flesh Satan is eating our lunch. Satan was the first narcissist who put his interest first dividing a third of the angels and then divided the first man from His Creator. The fruit of narcissism is always divisiveness, selfishness and a focus on putting self interest first.
We need to celebrate our differences, not comparing ourselves to one another which causes jealousy and divisiveness.
It’s important that we are humble and teachable. Peter tells us to clothe ourselves with humility toward one another. Now I’m not saying this is easy, but it’s necessary if we truly want to fulfill our mission. Jesus said one way the world would know that he is real is that His body would live in harmony. It’s impossible to do this through our own ability, but it can only happen as we all focus on Christ our foundation.
In Philippians chapter 4 verse 2, Paul pleads with two believers to settle a disagreement they had which was causing problems in the community. He calls on the quarreling women to patch up their ruptured relationship. Paul understood that when believers fight, people get hurt. The best approach to avoid broken relationships is to focus on the establishment of solid relationships.
In this same letter Paul gave us some keys to establishing Christ centered relationships. In chapter 2 of Philippians verses 1 through 8 Paul said, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. The one mind that Paul is talking about is the mind of Christ focused on the cruciform way. It’s truly letting Christ live through us and humbling ourselves. Here are a few keys for effective relationships.
Key number one is humility.
It’s doing nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. It’s checking our hearts and checking our motives. Paul then says, in humility count others more significant than yourselves. I don’t know about you, but that’s hard to do. Not impossible, but a lifelong challenge to serve others because a servant sees others as more significant than themselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Christ laid his life down and emptied himself. We can only walk together by learning to live our lives through the wisdom of the cross.
Key number two is communication.
Wisdom listens to others because open communication is the only way to walk with each other. James chapter 1 verse 19 says let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. We must be willing to listen to another’s point of view. I have had my mind changed more than once by good listening skills. To listen means you are actually listening and not forming a response. If you are forming a response to what I’m saying then you are probably not listening, but arguing. I know it’s hard, but you have to be quick to hear and slow to speak. To be a good communicator is to be a good listener so you can find those areas of agreement. Finding agreement is about learning to give and take. The word fellowship actually means to share with one another. Partnering and sharing together means that we have to learn to find middle ground.
Key number three to effective relationships is give and take because it’s learning to walk, live and accomplish mission together.
We not only need to exercise wisdom in relating with one another, but also leaders. As I said earlier, leadership is important to fulfill mission. Leadership is about supporting and undergirding the members of the body so that they can fulfill the mission. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21 tells to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Leaders are not separate from the body, but just another part of the one body of Christ.
A good leader is a good listener, a good communicator and humble enough to know a good idea even when it doesn’t come from them.
Leadership is like the rudder on the ship, that guides and directs the ship, though it is only a small part of the ship. Hebrews chapter 13 verse 7 says remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.
Peter also gave us some wisdom concerning how to relate with leadership and the character traits they should possess. Let me remind you that leaders are mature facilitators and Peter along with Paul called them elders.
1 Peter chapter 5 verse 2 thru 5 says leaders are to exercise oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, not for shameful gain, but eagerly, not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. Here again leaders are to be examples that others can imitate. Leaders are not to be control freaks domineering over others. Leaders are mature with a track record of godly behavior and are merciful because the spiritually mature know that there is no such thing as perfection. Paul said let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.
As I said earlier humility is one of the main keys for godly relationships to flourish so that we are all growing into the likeness of Christ.
Peter goes on to say, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. It is important to be accountable to your brothers and sisters in Christ and to the leaders with which you are a team player. We are all on the same team and again it’s through humility and the cruciform way that we are able to cooperate with each other for the fulfilling of our mission.
You’ve probably heard of the word Oikos because it's the name of a popular brand of yogurt which I like and actually eat everyday. Oikos is also a Greek word for family and household, but it means much more. It refers to your family, co-workers and web of people that you regularly come into contact with on a regular basis. It is a relational web of interconnected people. The word is used 106x times in the New Testament.
Oikos most commonly refers to a literal, physical house. Its second most common usage is household which refers to the men, women, boys and girls who live in the home.
In the early church, ministry was driven in and through homes.
The early church gathered in homes for worship and one of the qualifications for leaders was that they first needed to demonstrate they were leading their family and discipling their children at home if they had children. The early church viewed each believer’s house as a place of ministry. Acts chapter 5 verse 42 says and every day, house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching that the Christ is Jesus. A believer’s house was to be filled with evangelism, discipleship and spiritual life. Biblically we see oikos all over the place and this was the primary way for the gospel to spread in the New Testament.
One author has noted that each one of us lives at the intersection of four worlds: biological, vocational, geographical and voluntary.
The biological world consists of people related to us by blood or marriage, siblings, mothers, fathers, in-laws. The vocational world consists of coworkers, business associates and those we come into contact through the avenue of work. The geographical world includes our immediate community, such as neighbors or people you meet at the school board meetings. The voluntary world is a world of my choice—it’s when we engage in leisurely activities like going to the community pool, playing sports or even hobbies like being in a book club. If the people you regularly come into contact with see you living the lifestyle of Christ that speaks volumes.
It doesn’t mean you have to preach to them all the time, but it does mean you live your faith by example.
Let me share a personal example. As I told this story in the last lesson. I was dealing large amounts of marijuana my first year of college. I was a mess and my soul was in torment. I had no peace in my heart. I had two Christian’s in my speech class. You know they never preached to me, but I can tell you their lives had a tremendous impact on my life. It was their witness that was a part of the reason I turned to God because they had something I lacked. I was looking for peace and these two people had what I was looking for. Your life will be a living witness and an open invitation to follow Christ.
Now the main building block of the home is a strong relationship between a husband and wife.
Husbands and wives need to relate with one another according to wisdom, because it is by wisdom that a family is established. Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 thru 24 tells wives to understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering, but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
It’s through open communication that we are able to walk together and submission is about working together.
The husband is to lead through caring and loving exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. He is supposed to minister to his wife's needs by living the cruciform way laying down his life for her needs. 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7 tells husbands to give honor to their wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. The only way to live with understanding is to always have open communication with your wife. She may be physically weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
The husband and wife are a team. Just like any team, each couple needs to find their own strategy in working together.
There is no cookie cutter pattern to tell couples how to workout their relationship that best fits them. Scripture doesn’t tell us who precisely should control the money, or the number of children to have, or how the daily chores are to get done. There is tremendous liberty here in how families cooperate with one another. Every family is a unique creation because every combination of two individuals will create an entirely unique dynamic, have at its disposal unique talents and wrestle against unique weaknesses. You work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
Parents also need to take the responsibility for developing healthy relationships with their children.
Parents are to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Proverbs chapter 22 verse 6 tells parents to train up a child in the way he should go. Parents have two main responsibilities with their children: To raise them in the way of the Lord. Then to help them discover and develop the God-given talents they have received from Him.
Let’s look back at the areas of our vocational, geographical and voluntary world. We spend a lot of our time in these areas so its important that we live wisely with our coworkers and business associates. Wisdom is needed to be a godly example to our neighbors and people in our community. In Colossians chapter 1 verse 10 Paul prays that the believers would walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him. So part of walking in a way that pleases the Lord is how we behave with respect to those who are outside the body of Christ. We live in the world, but we are not to be of the world which means we don’t live by the same spirit.
Paul says, walk in wisdom toward outsiders. We need wisdom to be unique, but not weird. We need wisdom to be distinct, but not blended in.
So we must resist the spirit of this age and not be conformed to it. II Corinthians 6:14 warns us to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. We are warned by Paul to not be yoked together with unbelievers in such a way that they influence the direction of our moral decisions and spiritual life. We need to love and be a witness for Christ to unbelievers, but to come under their way of living will affect our relationship with God. We must make wise decisions in our relationships with unbelievers by affecting them for Christ without being joined to any ungodly lifestyles. As F. F. Bruce puts it in his commentary on Colossians, the reputation of the gospel is bound up with the behavior of those who claim to have experienced its saving power.
Our speech and conduct should reflect the fruit of the Spirit seasoned with grace having the redemptive power of Christ on our lips.
It’s why Paul said let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt. Salt has many uses, but in this text it’s used as a metaphor explaining that our speech needs to be redemptive. We don’t need to point out people’s sins, we need to live godly lives and our speech should reflect grace along with mercy not criticism and condemnation.
A lot of people don’t like Christians because what they’ve witnessed is legalist, hateful and sometimes outright miserable people who say they are followers of Christ. I’ve worked with some believers and I don’t want what they are selling because the fruit in their lives is rotten. You know the sad thing is that they are sometimes the loudest ones about how they go to church, but they come in to work on Monday morning sour, angry and irritated.
Jesus said the world will know us by our fruit and our mouths should reflect the fruit that Christ lives in our hearts. We may be the only Bible that someone ever reads.
We live in this world, but we are supposed to be living by the Spirit of the age to come. We are getting to taste a little of the age to come in the here and now which should be reflected in our lives. Of all people that live in this crazy world we should have love, peace, faith, patience and hope in a world turned upside down. Jesus is the king of Peace and our hearts should reflect that peace.
Let me talk to you briefly about wisdom and ethnic conflict because it’s an issue that’s very present in American culture. Ethnic conflict is nothing new to this world and Jesus said one of the signs of the end of this present age would be nation rising against nation. The Greek word for nation is ethnos which is where we get the English word ethnic group. We should let the words of Martin Luther King Jr be our words that we will not judge by the color of skin, but the content of character.
The wisdom of the cross is the remedy for ethnic, gender and social hierarchical conflict.
The cross levels the playing field and the words of Paul should be the view that fills our hearts. Paul told us that as many of you who were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s. Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world. For neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation.
As a believer in Christ there is no place for prejudice.
If wisdom is the main ingredient for effective relationships and wisdom is the key that makes the knots in the net strong holding our relationships together then how do we get this wisdom? James the apostle tells us that if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him. Simply asking the Father and acknowledging our need is the first step. I’ve prayed for wisdom daily the last 30 years of my life because I know I need it and I still do this daily.
Let me be honest with you because Paul was practical when he said, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men, now that’s in Romans chapter 12 verse 18. I encounter difficult people on a daily basis in my line of work. I’ve got family members and I’ve worked closely with people who I’ve tried my best to get along with, but sometimes it’s just not possible to get along with everyone.
You are not going to have everyone like you and you are not going to get along with everyone. Wisdom is knowing how to deal with these situations.
It’s okay to protect yourself by distancing yourself from people who can’t control themselves and if you can’t then not allowing them to steal your peace. If you’ve done all you can do by being humble, kind and considerate let God take care of the rest. I’ve learned to be at peace and not allow someone else’s problems to steal my peace when they don’t want to change.
You are not going to be able to work with everyone in the church and that’s okay. Find the place that you fit because we each have a place.
The book of Proverbs is the wisdom book and it tells us to get wisdom, get insight, do not forget and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her and she will keep you, love her and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: get wisdom and whatever you get, get insight. Now before writing this text about wisdom the author says, let your heart hold fast my words and then after this text he says, hear, my son and accept my words.
It’s the same message that Jesus told us in having a strong foundation for our lives simply putting into practice the word of God.
It means giving wisdom our first priority by daily meditating on the word, praying the word over our lives and letting the word change us from the inside out, so that we are doers of the word. It’s what James the natural brother of Jesus' main message was which is practically living out the incarnation.
James in chapter 3 of his epistle says who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. Here James says people are going to know us by our fruit or the conduct of our lives which should be meekness. Meekness is complete surrender to the power of God at work in us. It’s living the cruciform life of Christ in us.
He then says, but if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. Right here is the barometer because the fruit coming out of the heart tells the story. If the fruit is rotten then the source is demonic, fleshly and unspiritual. It’s the spirit of this age and remember what I’ve previously told you: the fleshly nature is Satan’s food because he eats the dust of the ground.
Worldly wisdom, which is based on selfishness and jealousy, only brings division to relationships.
James then says the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. Peace and unity will be the result of relationships built on the wisdom of God living the cruciform life.
Paul told us through love to serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. As we seek the heart of the Father He will grant us the wisdom to have godly, fulfilling relationships.
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Next Lesson: Lesson 35 - Civil Authority
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